The Real Meaning of Pause: Letting Go and Going Wild

What the origins of "Pause" tell us about its importance in daily life

May 01, 2023

a traffic light that has a red hand on it

Thank you for reading Power of Pause. If you find this substack helpful please leave a comment or a like. A special thank you for your patience in awaiting this post which was delayed due to an illness in the family. We’ll be discussing this in a future post on the necessity of pause in these scenarios.
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I will start this post on the meaning of Pause with my definition of Pause and discuss how the origins of the word help us get here.

A Pause is a mental or physical space utilized for preparation, renewal and growth.

Like many words in the English language, their current use is far removed from their origins. As I’ve become interested in the concept of Pause I’ve tried to understand the origins of the word which are both fascinating and affirming of its larger purpose.

Before we get there let’s look at how Pause is used today. Basically, Pause means to halt or temporary stop a process (think the Pause button). In the most literal terms it is simply a break in the continuation of a process. And that break is where Pause can become contentious. In our modern society a break or pause is not typically prized. It is often the minimum required by law before you get back to business. In some ways to Pause means to stand in the way of progress, profit and productivity. Our society is instead based on doing. It doesn’t matter what you do - it could be work, it could be shopping, it could be streaming, surfing or scrolling - as long as you do it and the emphasis is often on NOT pausing while you do it as it could mean a missed opportunity (Just Do It!).

pair of red-and-white Air Jordan 1's — Photo by Travis Essinger on Unsplash

The problem is that we are rarely in a Michael Jordan about-to -take-the-game-winning-shot-at-the-buzzer moment. While there are obviously Just Do It moments in our lives, where we need to Not-Pause and act, in many ways that mentality can be extrapolated to everything else whether menial or profound to the point that a pause is seen as a flaw, weakness or something that needs to be excused (Just fake it till you make it, Sorry guys, I need a break).

The pressure to not-pause can also be used to fill moments that don’t need to be filled: At the grocery checkout, perusing a tabloid magazine that is of no interest; at the stop-light pulling out our phone to read emails (again); waiting for a friend and needing to check social media.

All these scenarios point to a term you may not have heard before but one that you will instantly recognize: social acceleration. Social acceleration1 is defined as the sense of time pressure created by the impact of economic growth and modernization. Sound familiar? It is the sneaky feeling that can make moments seem not only un-pausable but more so requiring you to fill with not one but 2 or 8 things at once.

We all have heard about the toll that not-pausing and multi-tasking can have on our productivity, brains and mental health. We’ll cover this is a future post on When We Don’t Pause but for now here is nice review by Kevin P. Madore, Ph.D., Anthony D. Wagner, Ph.D. in Cerebrum called the Multicosts of Multitasking.

The Origins of Pause

Full disclosure: I love word origins and digging into the meaning behind words we use in our daily conversation. The word Pause is no different and its etymology is truly an example of what we know at the surface and what is present if we keep looking.2 There are a number of predictable stops on the journey for the word we know today. These include the Ancient Greek pausein “to stop” to the Latin pausa on its way sometime in the 1400’s when it became introduced in Middle English as the word we know today.

The True Meaning of Pause is Liberation

So let’s transition now to what Pause really means. On the way to becoming pause there are two additional hypothesized stops which are the most fascinating part of the story.

The first is the the Old Slavonic pustiti which means to ‘let go’.3 I find this to be the start of the liberation that Pause can provide. This interpretation signals that a Pause does not have to be just a momentary stop on a journey that will lead to a foregone conclusion. It suggests that on our current journey a Pause can be an opportunity to let go of:

The baggage that we have been carrying from our previous journey. Think about the remnants of our difficult conversation with a loved one or patient that is still affecting us in our next interaction.
The baggage of how this journey is supposed to come to a conclusion or affect our future ones. We often future think/worry about how this journey should end as opposed to being on it. Often this ride is not a particularly exciting or enjoyable one (think washing dishes or doing necessary but unexciting chores) so we may try to think about what we can do when we are done (“If I get done with this note, then…”) or should-ing on ourselves for still being on this journey (“I should be so much further along by now…”)

Pausing in these moments - truly Pausing to let go of the past and future baggage we bring along - will help us to actually be in this moment and more fully live out this journey when we return to it after our Pause. A great quote that captures this opportunity is by Thich Nhat Hanh from his book The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

“If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes, the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future—and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.”

The second liberating definition of Pause is the Old Prussian word pausto which means (“wild”)4 With this we take the opportunity to Pause and let go to the next level and think big about what this journey represents. As we will be discussing in future posts, not pausing keeps us in status-quo mind. We continue to complete journeys and decision using the same biases, fears and inclinations we have used to this point. What if instead when we pause and let go of some layers of this baggage we go to the next level to think wildly out of the box about the possibilities before us?

This aspect of pausing may not seems feasible or practical. It may even seem selfish. How dare we take a well-oiled routine and attempt to consider an alternate reality, one where we dare to let go of a comfortable but predictable pattern to consider one that may be risky but possibly more fulfilling? This scenario can feel overwhelming. We often hedge our bets and go with what’s comfortable and easy- one where we fill in the pauses with the usual instead of choosing to let go and to go a little wild with possibilities.

How to Pause at a Deeper Level

Considering the opportunity that these deeper meanings of pausing offer us, how do we step up to make the most of these moments. A few suggestions:

Become aware of the choice
When you are at the stoplight or kitchen sink and about to fill in the Pause as usual, check in with yourself. What does it feel like to let go of your usual pattern, to not pull out the phone, to not fill the void thinking of what’s next, but instead just to be in the moment?
It may feel uncomfortable, especially if our Social Accelerator is on full throttle to get past this boring or uncomfortable moment to the next. Use the Pause to become aware of the feelings (all the feelings) that come up when you consider pausing more mindfully. This will include feelings dis-ease, discomfort, even a jonesing for the devices and pattern that help us get through the moment. Also become aware of the little things you notice with all your senses as you broaden the lens: maybe the people crossing the street, maybe the sound of the bird on the lightpost, maybe the feel of the warm water on your hands. Whatever comes up is an opportunity to transition to a deeper pause, a letting go of the usual to make room for and appreciate the unique that also makes up this moment.
Ask, What is the best use of this moment (for me)?
This seems like a selfish question but it is about the oxygen we give ourselves to be there for others. Often we fill in the moment to not be there for ourselves or others - but simply to get past it. If we instead choose to be there for ourselves in a way that feels fulfilling we are more strengthened and prepared for this and the next moment. It may be hard to consider that this moment can be anything more than what we have come to expect of it.
But often in these small moments the answer to find fulfillment is not audacious but simple. It can be just a few deep breath to get grounded and awaken more deeply to the moment. It may be bringing in thoughts of self-compassion for ourselves or sending those same thoughts for others near or far that may be the key. And when can we or others not use a few deep breaths and compassion. It may seem simple but can be quite profound.
For example during a difficult conversation, such as in my case in clinic, when with a patient who has an especially difficult chronic pain history, full of trauma, missed opportunties and suffering. In these situations, there’s often a tendency to want to detach. It can be challenging to stay in the moment. In these moments it is easy to find distraction or want to move quickly past it. I find that as I listen and find a tendency to detach, it is grounding with a few deep breaths that can bring me back more fully into the room. In addition I sometimes visualize the in breath coming into me and leaving with a deep sense of compassione traveling to the person in from of me, creating a cycle of breath and compassion.
I find that this exercise does not distract me but more fully engages me as a partner in the journey and the moment that is being shared. I find that what is most fulfilling for me in the moment, which may be as simple as a breath, is often what can be most helpful in general to appreciate the moment and support the needs and others in the moment. (We’ll talk more about the Pause Down Breath and other techniques to use during a Pause in an upcoming post)
Dream Wildly about this Pause
When we are able to pause more mindfully, which may not be every pause opportuntity before us, check in with yourself and ask, how can this Pause be truly different? Often the answer, especially in the beginning, is no different: this pause will return to motion with the same steps we had anticipated. But over time as we begin to more confidently and more regulary check in and support ourselves during our pauses, you will consider and begin to move away from the comfortable and convenient choices that do no push you out of your comfort zone. In essense this is when you begin to go wild in small or big ways with your pause and the next steps to follow. This will feel a bit unusual or even risky at first. It does not have to be a right turn or left. It does not have to be leaving your job. It can be small changes, small areas where you act differently than your status-quo self. But overtime you will see the that these small changes are liberating and the best direction to take your pauses to create opportunity for renewal and growth. (In a future post we will discuss pausing as part of the creative process in recreating ourselves or our work). But for now just let youself be a little more wild when you take a pause.
Most Importantly, Be Gentle with Yourself
With all that we are presented with at work, on social media, daily home tasks, responsibilities and to-dos, it is can be hard to find pause and even harder to move towards a deeper pause that allows a letting go or ability to go wild. And this is on a normal day. What if something goes off track or it’s especially busy at work. In these moments, it is especially important to be ok with being - just being. Not winning the super Pause award but just surviving. It’s ok to not be perfect and check your phone when you are in that awkard pause moment. Simply noticing these moments when you would like to work on letting go of patterns but find it difficult is in and of itself a victory. When you notice you are not pausing in a new, liberating way it can feel like failure. Instead, notice, just notice, and realize that you are human, a perfectly imperfect human, and that there will be many, many chances to pause and notice in a deeper way when the opportunity feels right. In being gentle with these moment, we find the opportunity to sit a little deeper with the next.

So as we conclude I would love to hear your thoughts on the true meaning of Pause for you.

A Pause is a mental or physical space utilized for preparation, renewal and growth.

I would also love to hear how you find pause, espcially a pause where you were able to go to its deeper potential and what it has meant for your life.

Until we meet again, May you find Pause in your day, RB 🙏

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Power of Pause